Min Han

I have thought about it, I really have.

Especially since it dawned on me that I spend hours with earphones on my head to enable me concentrate. The thoughts in my head can only be stilled by something louder.

I am not in love, I am obsessed. I am addicted to the feeling of wanting, of needing him.

How do I stop me from falling deeper and deeper. I am in deep trouble and I don’t see the end in sight.

How do I stop the thoughts in my head, the need for that one more moment. The headaches, heartaches and aches that won’t go away. How do I deal when it is me who is the addict.

I am not in love. It is far worse, I am addicted.

Now I need that space, that time you say it is for calming down. I need space, to remember to stop. I need that space when not having will be alright.

I need that space, to realize I am sober. To stop my insanity.

Masochism

At this moment I feel lonely beyond words,

I feel like the whole world disappeared and it is just me

I am all alone

I am crying because I do not know what else to do

And then I am doing the most foolish of all things I am writing this

I am writing this to you

The one person who will not respond or say anything good or bad

The one person who reminds me of what is wrong

I have tonnes of friends who all want to be there for me

But in this moment I want you to be the one asking if I am okay

I know that I am being psychotic

Probably a masochist

But now at this moment writing to you makes me feel alive

Every time I break, writing to you has always made me mend

It makes my head hurt less

Maybe one day I won't need to keep coming back to this point

I just want to know that somehow I am not alone

I guess we are all needy sometimes and I am tonight

This is getting crazier

Please find a way to stop me

Tell me you are happy

You have someone else to take care of

Tell me to stop imagining something that is not there

Stop me from this, this madness

You have to say it

Maybe if it broken, my heart will stop hoping